Are you stuck in a rut? What are you doing to get out? Several years ago I tried to see how far south I could go down North Padre Island in my pickup truck. The sand started getting deep fast! I was stuck in a rut! The problem was that I didn’t adhere to the sign that said. “Only 4 Wheel Drives beyond this point.” I should have complied with the warning. A 4-Wheel Drive ended up pulling me out!
Have you ignored warning signs of life? Let me help you get out you rut through life coaching. This may be your opportunity for a new beginning. Get moving once again. Contact me for more information. The first session is free.
Bad things happen to good people…right? Sometimes, very bad things happen to good people! In my situation, by the time I was six, both of my grandfathers died, my grandmother died, my father was killed in one car accident (more about this in my book), my mother was unable to keep us so she gave us (brother and sisters) to her sister, my aunt, who died two years later (we never saw our mother again). This is the sanitized version of the story, the details I’m saving for the book! 🙂 In spite of these things happening before I was six, and a plethora of bad things happening after, I have never thought of myself as a victim. Why? I believe one of the primary reasons is that I have sensed the presence of God at a very early age.
When I was about six, my aunt dropped us off at a church close to our home. I was escorted into this class with kids about my own age. It was the first time I ever remember being in a church. First, I felt love. The Sunday School teacher was so nice! It had been awhile since I felt loved. Then she introduced me to the kids. Next, they sang this song, “We’re glad you are here” to the tune of Happy Birthday. I sensed the presence of God, and it has never left. Shortly after this, my aunt died. We were then picked up by a family who were faithful churchgoers. For the next 12 years, there were many challenges, however, we always went to church! Most of the challenges had to do with the lack of training available for my new parents. They had no idea what they were getting into! They treated us as if we were blank slates, which was probably what they thought was best, and what most people at the time were doing with foster/adopt children. Now, there are home studies, parent training, complex trauma awareness, counselors, case managers, videos, internet, etc.
One of the benefits of being raised in the church was that my sister and I were introduced to Harding University. This was where I received my undergraduate education. Harding is a conservative Christian University in the “foothills of the Ozarks,” – Searcy, Arkansas. The greatest gift Harding gave me was peace! Everyone treated me with kindness. The presence of God was there! Although, I had occasional bouts of depression and feelings of loneliness, I always knew God was there! I was blessed with some amazing friendships. It was also indirectly through Harding , a few years later, I met Phyllis (also saving this story for the book!).
I’ve had many ups and downs in my life (saving for the book), primarily because of the challenges I faced growing which many would be attributed to complex trauma (saving this for the book.) However, I have always sensed the presence of God and that he has a plan for my life. This brings me back to my original point. I have never thought of myself as a victim because I have always believed God has a plan for my life. What good would it have done to think “poor miserable me, I’m an orphan boy, no one loves me, why me?” If this had happened, I would not have a beautiful wife (inside and out), three amazing children and their spouses, and three of the most special grandkids in the world! You can understand why my favorite verse in the Bible is:
Praise to the God of All Comfort
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Are you stuck? Do you need some help getting unstuck? I know just what may help. I can coach you from where you are today to where you need to be. In the coaching world, this is referred to as “the gap.” Who closes the gap? You do! Why do you need a coach? By asking the right questions, a coach can guide you to where you want to be. The first session is free. Decide what you want, then let’s go after it together!
The Realities of Raising a Kid of a Different Race
The Trouble With the Christian Adoption Movement
Missionaries Who Gave Adopted Children Religion-Inspired Beatings Head to Prison
Do you need a passionate speaker on issues of adoption and/or foster care? As a foster/adoptee, I can speak to issues related to complex trauma, being a compassionate caregiver, and parenting with the foster/adopted child in mind. Being an Overcome and Resilience are also topics which I can address. I have had 12 years of experience working with “children from hard places” as a Special Education Teacher. The past 8 years I have been working in the inner city and in an urban school. The past six years I have been teaching in a DAEP (alternative school.)
Please email me if you would like more information. email@example.com
When I first saw a video of Dr. Karyn Purvis, I wanted to meet her. I was “star struck!” As an adoptee, she understood me, though I never met her. I watched all of her videos on YouTube. Then, I ordered all of her DVDs from http://www.child.tcu.edu. I could not get enough of this woman who understood someone like me, “a child from hard places.” Sadly, the reason she did not return my email was that she was dying of cancer. I had been away from “the literature” for a while when she appeared on my radar, which I regretted. Dr. Purvis died on April 12, 2016. I was so moved by her life and story that I decided to go to her funeral even though it was 5 hours away. Her funeral was amazing. It was obvious that she had touched lives far beyond her immediate sphere of influence. I was also not alone. There were many, like me, who had never met her in person, yet attended her funeral because of being touched by her through her videos, book, and articles. If there is one word to describe her it would be Christlike! (Read her biography @ http://www.child.tcu.edu/karyn/#sthash.gQtE2l4g.dpbs).
Dr. Purvis lived in the reality that it wasn’t about her and conveyed that to her audience of one or thousands. The lesson is obvious. Although, being a part of foster care and adoption is a ministry from the heart of Jesus, “it is not about you!” In other words, if you are involved in the ministry to orphans, it is about the child. When it becomes about what the foster or adoptive parent does by taking an orphan in their home, then the ministry becomes off balance. In other words, a foster/adopt ministry is child-centered. This is not to say that one can’t “give honor to whom honor is due.” However, the glory goes to God, not to the parent. As a Christian, when the foster/adopt child becomes the object of our ministry, then according to Jesus, we are doing the ministry of Jesus! (Matthew 19:14).
One of the negatives when foster/ adopt parents are given too much adulation is that they are afraid to ask for help. All parenting can be overwhelming, however, imagine parenting a child who has experienced complex trauma! If you are a parent who is being placed on such a high pedestal, it may be difficult to be express your need for guidance, and as a result, fall back to what is logical or traditional instead of what your child may actually need.
Dr. Purvis understood what it took to be a successful parent of foster/adopt children because she knew the research and what a “child from hard places” needed. Hopefully, all foster/adopt parents open their minds to the research and information available from Dr. Purvis and others who have researched what trauma does to children. And remember, it’s all about the child!