http://extensionpublications.unl.edu/assets/pdf/g1885.pdf

I’ll let you in on a secret, adoption is tough, it’s messy, and it’s something that should never happen!  However, it is necessary because life is tough, messy, and people do things that should never happen.  In a perfect world, parent’s don’t die, become addicted to drugs, hate their children and the idea of being a parent, and many other reasons that contribute to our world being full of orphans.

Before you say, “Oh how wonderful,” acknowledge that adoption = loss.  Before you say, “It must be wonderful to be chosen,” realize that most children would rather have their birth parents than being adopted.  Each adoptee is different, however, most adoptees cringe when they hear “chosen.”  Also, be careful before you use a biblical reference to adoption to equate modern-day adoption.  And especially don’t say, “Jesus was adopted.”  That will get a Christian adoptee really fired up.  When it comes to adoption in Scripture, there is more eisegesis than exegesis!

Now like all people, each adoptee is different.  Circumstances, age at the time of foster/adoption, personality, etc., will cause different reactions.  However, before you make heroes out of the adoptive parents (which most don’t want), consider the pain of the children, the birth mother and possibly father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.  Acknowledge that with every adoption, there is loss!

Has your marriage lost the passion it once had?   You might even consider your relationship stale.  You can do something about it!  Marriage Coaching may be just for you!  Your CORE Marriage Coach will give you the tools you need to get your marriage back on track.  This is not therapy.  The focus is not on your past, it is on your present and future.  For more information contact me on this website or call 281.250.3933

Are you familiar with Dr. David Burns work, “Feeling Good”? Today, I was reminded of his book, and how it made a difference in my life years ago. His work has changed thousand and possibly millions of lives. His approach is based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. You may be familiar with his list of ways we have distorted thinking. They are listed in the following article:

https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/cognitive-distortions/.

His work can be used for Cognitive Behavioral Coaching if a person is not moderately or severely depressed. The beginning of the book has the Beck’s Depression Inventory so you can take the inventory to decide if you need a coach or a therapist.

Coaching is more to help clients get rid of what Zig Ziglar called, “stinking thinking.” For more information on coaching, send me a message. It may change your life!

The ASCA Recovery Framework is a 3 stage model for healing containing 21 steps.

The stages and steps are:

Stage 1 – Remembering

I am in a breakthrough crisis, having gained some sense of my abuse.

I have determined that I was physically, sexually or emotionally abused as a child.

I have made a commitment to recovery from my childhood abuse.

I shall re-experience each set of memories as they surface in my mind.

I accept that I was powerless over my abusers’ actions which holds them responsible.

I can respect my shame and anger as a consequence of my abuse but shall try not to turn it against myself or others.

I can sense my inner child whose efforts to survive now can be appreciated.

Stage 2 – Mourning

I have made an inventory of the problem areas in my adult life.

I have identified the parts of myself connected to self-sabotage.

I can control my anger and find healthy outlets for my aggression.

I can identify faulty beliefs and distorted perceptions in myself and others.

I am facing my shame and developing self-compassion.

I accept that I have the right to be who I want to be and live the way I want to live.

I am able to grieve my childhood and mourn the loss of those who failed me.

Stage 3 – Healing

I am entitled to take the initiative to share in life’s riches.

I am strengthening the healthy parts of myself, adding to my self-esteem.

I can make necessary changes in my behavior and relationships at home and work.

I have resolved the abuse with my offenders to the extent that is acceptable to me.

I hold my own meaning about the abuse that releases me from the legacy of the past.

I see myself as a thriver in all aspects of life – love, work, parenting, and play.

I am resolved in the reunion of my new self and eternal soul.